Publish date: 28 January 2025

I have practiced personal injury law for over 25 years, and over the past decade have specialised in assisting those that have sustained catastrophic injuries, including traumatic brain injuries. 

Over Christmas I found I was having to listen to my own advice. My 16-year-old son had to undergo urgent brain surgery and while this was not from an accident, it was not planned or expected.

When anyone undergoes surgery, let alone brain surgery, it can be an emotionally overwhelming experience for both the patient and family. 

Brain surgery poses a lot of uncertainty as to what lies ahead alongside mixed concerns about their well-being and future. I was reminding myself of the discussions I have had with many clients about being armed with the right knowledge, having a support system in place and preparing yourself mentally. It is important, particularly as a parent to a child undergoing surgery, that you can guide your child through this process.

I offer some helpful tips which helped manage my journey through my son’s brain surgery.

Understanding the Surgery: The First Step in Preparation

Before anything else, it’s crucial to understand the details of the surgery. Often, this will require meetings with the surgeon (or in our case numerous surgeons) and the anaesthetist. Ask questions about the procedure itself, the risks involved, and the expected recovery time. During these discussions, I found it helpful to take notes and write down any additional questions. I continued to ask questions or ask for explanations (including further explanation on the medical jargon) to ensure I understood it all. Knowing what to expect will help you manage your emotions and also help prepare your child/family member.

Preparing Your Child: The Emotional Aspect

A child’s emotional resilience often depends on their age and personality. Young children may not fully understand the gravity of the situation, while older children may be more anxious and aware. Regardless of their age, emotional preparation is crucial. I found the following worked in my situation.

  • Keep it simple and honest: Use language that your child can understand. The depth of the information you provide will depend on the age of your child. In my situation, as my son is 16, he was aware of the same information we were, and we encouraged him to ask questions from his medical team or us. No matter our fears as parents, it was important that we reassured him that the surgery is necessary for his health and that he will be in good hands.
  • Address fears: Let your child express any fears they have, such as concerns about the anaesthesia, pain, or what will happen after surgery. Validate these fears and importantly provide comfort, whilst remaining calm and optimistic.
  • Stay positive: This can be difficult when things are not going to plan and when you as a parent are scared for your child, but it is important to remain positive as this will help create a sense of security for your child.

Pre-Surgery

Leading up to our son’s surgery day, we made sure that each day we were busy (which was a little easier as it was Christmas) and really nurtured our family time together. We tried to maintain our family routine and keep things as normal as possible. 

For our son, he had to be admitted the day prior to his surgery and undergo numerous scans and pre-surgery ‘workup’. We continued to check in on his emotions and feelings and assure him that it was all normal to feel that way. We tried to remain calm and collected (or at least appear this way to our son).

During Surgery: Trusting the Experts

The waiting period while our son was in surgery was filled with anxiety. We just had to trust the medical professionals and remind ourselves that they are experienced and highly trained. 

In some hospital settings (unfortunately not ours), you can have a system in place to stay updated during the surgery, whether it’s through a tracking app the hospital has or texts and phone calls from the medical team.

Post-Surgery and Recovery

Be prepared for how your child/family member will be immediately post-surgery, especially if being admitted to ICU, can be quite a confronting experience. 

During the hospital stay, raise any concerns with the medical staff if your child/family member is showing signs of deterioration. If prompt action is not being taken you can use Ryan’s Rule. This is a three-step process that is in place to allow patients, carers and family to request a review if they feel that concerns are not being heard. Ryan’s Rule will trigger an urgent review of the patient, and if deterioration is noticed, this rule emphasizes escalating care to a more experienced clinician or medical team. The purpose of this rule is to ensure that no signs of deterioration are overlooked, and that timely intervention occurs to prevent severe complications or death.

The road to recovery after brain surgery can be long, and the extent of it will vary based on the complexity of the procedure.

  • Be patient with the recovery process: There may be days when your child/family member feels great and others when they experience fatigue, discomfort, or emotional lows. Brain surgery recovery is a marathon, not a sprint. Offer encouragement and a lot of reassurance during this time.
  • Promote rest: Rest is vital for the healing process. Encourage your child/family member to take naps and get plenty of sleep.
  • Create a peaceful environment: Minimise loud noises, bright lights, or a hectic household. A calm, quiet environment will help your child/family member feel more comfortable.
  • Follow medical instructions carefully: Whether it’s medication, wound care, or follow-up appointments, make sure to adhere strictly to post-surgery care instructions.
  • Encourage small, achievable goals: After brain surgery, even small steps like getting out of bed, eating a healthy meal, or taking a walk can feel like significant accomplishments. Celebrate these milestones.

Self-Care for Parents/Family Members

Supporting your child/family member through such a challenging time can take a toll on your own mental and physical health. It is important to take care of yourself and do not hesitate to reach out to family and friends for help. 

Allow yourself to feel the range of emotions and process these feelings, whether that means talking to family/friends, a therapist or journaling your experience.

Post Recovery

Having represented hundreds of clients that have experienced brain injuries at varying severities, I was familiar with the secondary symptomology that can arise, such as changes in behaviour, cognitive function, memory, speech, dizziness, nausea, impact to taste and smell etc. Depending on the nature of the injury/surgery, therapy or rehabilitation will most probably be required to assist in your child’s/family member’s recovery.

If your child/family member has sustained injuries and/or require surgery from a motor vehicle accident or workplace incident, they may be entitled to bring a personal injury claim and receive assistance. Such assistance can include treatment, rehabilitation, house/car modifications, paid care support, transportation and financial support.

Image: Taylor Hernan, Unsplash


Nickelle Morris
Nickelle Morris
Special Counsel
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